The Animals
They pulled a 1000 lb. squid out of a New Zealand sea last week, the largest ever caught. I guess that's good news, maybe, if you're a researcher or a sperm whale or a deep sea diver. But I don't think it's ultimately going to help anyone given where matters are headed. Close observers of the media may have noted a worrying trend last week. Just as many of us working in the humiliating ghetto of 'fringe science' have long predicted, animals are making now moving aggresively against mankind and with a will to total power. Consider the unfolding in rapid succession of the following events:
1)Chimps are now hunting with spears. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6387611.stm
2)Rats are officially running most of the fast food restaraunts in town.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,254026,00.html
And finally, the squid. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070222/ap_on_fe_st/new_zealand_colossal_squid_4
You don't exactly have to be Wooodward and Bernstein to follow this harrowing trail of secrets and lies, people. This is not a drill. We are officially under assault by a consortioum of devious and lethal wildlife and very shortly will be enslaved property of bears, cougars and penguins.
And honestly, what do I care? I can ring my hands like Cassandra and no one is going to rise up to combat this threat. And really, how's it gonna be so much worse when the hogs take over? Let them do their worst. I have other matters to attend to.
1)Chimps are now hunting with spears. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6387611.stm
2)Rats are officially running most of the fast food restaraunts in town.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,254026,00.html
And finally, the squid. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070222/ap_on_fe_st/new_zealand_colossal_squid_4
You don't exactly have to be Wooodward and Bernstein to follow this harrowing trail of secrets and lies, people. This is not a drill. We are officially under assault by a consortioum of devious and lethal wildlife and very shortly will be enslaved property of bears, cougars and penguins.
And honestly, what do I care? I can ring my hands like Cassandra and no one is going to rise up to combat this threat. And really, how's it gonna be so much worse when the hogs take over? Let them do their worst. I have other matters to attend to.
posted by Timothy Bracy at 3:14 PM
4 Comments:
i never thought i'd see the day where after a seven month sabbatical timothy bracy would link his readers to fox news.
what ever happened to you?
on a whim i hit the link on my blog to yours, and oh hallelujah! at last..the squid article i almost forwarded you.
i saw some gorillas recently at the zoo and they definitely know what's going on. i don't want to be there when they figure out how to open the latch. we are going down.
letter to the editor:
i have nowhere to send this except this lonely abandoned ghost town of a blog, but be sent it must...
dear timothy,
please do not despair in the month of march. while it does cruelly coax the trees and flowers to bud and then freeze them moments after their awakening, it does house many fine things.
there is st. patrick's day. i know how you feel about irish saints. i know how you SHOULD feel about them. no one wants to step on a snake, now do they? i know how you feel about snakes. i know how I feel about snakes. bleh. st. patrick took care of this malady for us. it is all over, thanks to him. that is of course if you move to ireland. here in ga, for example, it is quite frightening to dig a hole, because more often than not, in march, a snake will come out of it. so we should honor st. patrick, the victim of kidnapping, slavery, and seasickness, bearer of words, prayer of prayers, dreamer of dreams. sing some songs. grab the uillean pipes. bang on a bodhrain.
also there is my birthday. this is a good reason to have some sushi in my honor. or some angel food cake, even tho it is not very substantial. in order to truly celebrate this day, i recommend buying yourself a carton or pint of sherbet and a liter of ginger ale, and proceeding by mixing the two together. when consumed, this cocktail inevitably livens any party!
and lastly, i would like to inform you that the month of march is not bereft of fine sporting activities. grab your wiffle ball and ping pong paddles and head to the gym. like the color of a clover, you can play pickle ball. i will include a few instructions and a small visual to encourage you in this wholesome form of exercise.
Pickle-Ball Study Guide Page
OFFICIAL PICKLE-BALL RULES
1. COURT-- The size of the court is 20' x 44' for both doubles and singles. The net is hung at 36" on ends, and hangs 34" in the middle. When laying out a court, allow adequate space at each end and sides of the court boudary lines for player movement. (Three to five feet on ends and one to two feet on sides.) However, it should be noted that many family's play Pickle-ball with little or no back and side court and enjoy the game.
2. SERVE-- Player must keep one foot behind the back line when serving. The serve is made underhand. The paddle must pass below the waist. The server must hit the ball in the air on the serve. He is NOT allowed to bounce it, then hit it. The service is made diagonally cross court and must clear the non-volley zone. Only one serve attempt is allowed, EXCEPTk if the ball touches the net on the serve and lands in the proper service court. Then the serve may be played over. At the start of each new game, the 1st team is allowed only ONE fault before giving up the ball to the opponents. Thereafter both members of each team will serve and fault before the ball is turned over to the opposing team. When receiving team wins the serve, the player in the right hand court will always start play.
3. VOLLEY-- To volley a ball means to hit it in the air without first letting it bounce. All vollying must be done with player's beet BEHIND the non-volley zone line. NOTE: It is a fault if the player steps over the line on his volley follow though.
4. DOUBLE BOUNCE RULE--Each team must play their first shot off the bounce. That is, the receiving team must let the serve bounce, and the serving team must let the return of the serve bounce before playing it. After the bounces have occurred, the ball can be either volleyed or played off the bounce.
5. FAULT--
a. Hitting the ball out of bounds
b. Not clearing net
c. Stepping into the non-volley zone and volleying the ball
d. Volleying the ball before it has bounced once on each side of the net as outlined in rule 4
6. SCORING- A team shall score a point only when serving. A player who is serving shall continue to do so until a fault is made by his team. The game is played to 11 points; however, a team must win by 2 points.
DETERMININING SERVING TEAM-- Players may toss a coin or rally the ball until a fault is made. Winner of the toss or rally has the option of serving fist or not serving first.
DOUBLES PLAY
A. Player in RIGHT HAND court serves diagonally across court to receiver in opposite RIGHT HAND court. The ball must clear the non-volley zone and land in the RIGHT HAND serving court. The receiver before playing it. (rule 4 double bounce rule). After the two bounces have occured, the ball may then be either volleyed or played off the bounce until a fault is made.
B. If the fault is made by the receiving team, a point is scored by the serving team. When the serving team wins a point, its players will switch courts and the SAME player will continue to serve. When the serving team makes its first fault, players will stay in the same court and the second partner will then serve. When they make their second fault they will stay in the same courts and turn the ball over to the other team. Players switch courts only after scoring.
SINGLES PLAY--All the rules apply with the following exception: When serving in singles, each player serves from the RIGHT HAND court when his score is 0 or an even number, and then from the LEFT HAND court when his/her score is odd numbered.
GENERAL TIPS
a. Both member of the SERVING TEAM should be back near the base line at the time of the serve so that neither will forget to let the first returned ball bounce before they return it. (doubles bounce rule)
b. After the ball is in play, lobbing it over the opponent's head can be effective strategy.
c. A ball landing on any line is considered good.
d. If a player sees that the ball is going to land in the non-volley zone, and he is going to let it bounce, s/he may move into the zone before it bounces, but must let it bounce before returning it.
i don't know what happened to the visual. but these instructions alone should yield great excitement. how many sports can you play wherein you are encouraged that a ball landing on any line is a GOOD thing??
happy march!
yours sincerely,
holly
-reigning Pickle-ball champion, CSU, columbus, ga -- undefeated, unchallenged.
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