The Friends I'd Shank
Two opposing premises:
1)Loyal friendship is what makes life worth living and
2)Maximum security prison is no kiddy theme park.
A man can be said to be the sum total of his close companions and confidantes. And yet when you're working for Copper John you better not turn your back on anyone for even a solitary second. Yes, only the strong survive on the inside, but it's nice to have people to share your problems and life changes with as well. How to resolve this difficulty? No one ever wants to be faced with the difficult decision to shank a close freind, that is stab him with a makeshift knife crafted from the scrap metal of a prison-issued boot or shoe. But lets face facts: it happens. That's life. So it's best to know in advance who the friends are that- if pressed into unwelcome action- you'd definately cut.
I keep a list. That helps me. Maybe you don't want to write it down, maybe you just want to keep track in your head. It can be awkward when one of the friends you'd shank indavertently runs across your list and sees his name. I'm forgetful, so I leave my list in obvious places- like on the bulletin board by my bunk. But one day Bill Jeffries was over- we were shooting bull, sipping Pruno- and he saw his name on my list of friends I'd shank (he was actually #1) and I could detect a definate rise in his temperature. He said it was pretty clear to him that things weren't the way he thought they were with us, and that he was going back to the library, and that we were 'done'. And believe me: I felt awful. I sent him a florid apology a couple of days later stuffed in a half full pack of Camels, but nothing came of it. No reply. Which is just as well, because two weeks later I shanked him.
I shanked Rick Monroe-Peterson, who I have always liked, because I caught him touching my foot locker. He was actually just sitting on it, not looking in it or anything, waiting for me to get back from the mess, because he wanted me to get my opinion on who should be the starting front court in our A-yard basketball team. But you can't exactly have guys touching your locker without asking, unless you want every punk in the block stealing your Pruno, which I definately don't want, and so I shanked him. But I didn't kill him, I just gave him a 'smiley'. But it clearly effected our relationship adversely and definately hurt team morale. Honestly, now I feel like a jerk. I'm a hothead! What can I say?
I've always respected Rene 'Cochese' Olivares, and most especially following his legendary ninety day stint in the Hole following the Mardi Gras 2004 lockdown in Block D. He's a nice man with a pleasent, affable way in the company of children and a wife he speaks of often and longingly. All and all a considerate, decent man. Anyway I certainly never expected to shank him. But shank him I did, on a chilly November day last year, after one of his buddies commented on my unkempt beard and tattered jumpsuit. I was naturally going to shank the bastard ruthlessly for this slight, when Rene jumped between us.
"Back away Cochese!" I shouted, "This ain't about us."
But Rene did not back away. In fact he tried to take my shank. I can't really recall what happened after that, but anyone that touches my shank- friend or not- is going to wind up fishing at the wrong end of the barrel. Time just kind of stopped. I could see the sun parting briefly through the clouds over the main wall, and there was a sort of high pitched sound running through my head like a train whistle. The next thing I knew I woke up in the infirmary. I had shanked nineteen guys and a telephone pole before they tazed me down. I felt terrible. I'm not really a violent person. Especially when it come to friends.
1)Loyal friendship is what makes life worth living and
2)Maximum security prison is no kiddy theme park.
A man can be said to be the sum total of his close companions and confidantes. And yet when you're working for Copper John you better not turn your back on anyone for even a solitary second. Yes, only the strong survive on the inside, but it's nice to have people to share your problems and life changes with as well. How to resolve this difficulty? No one ever wants to be faced with the difficult decision to shank a close freind, that is stab him with a makeshift knife crafted from the scrap metal of a prison-issued boot or shoe. But lets face facts: it happens. That's life. So it's best to know in advance who the friends are that- if pressed into unwelcome action- you'd definately cut.
I keep a list. That helps me. Maybe you don't want to write it down, maybe you just want to keep track in your head. It can be awkward when one of the friends you'd shank indavertently runs across your list and sees his name. I'm forgetful, so I leave my list in obvious places- like on the bulletin board by my bunk. But one day Bill Jeffries was over- we were shooting bull, sipping Pruno- and he saw his name on my list of friends I'd shank (he was actually #1) and I could detect a definate rise in his temperature. He said it was pretty clear to him that things weren't the way he thought they were with us, and that he was going back to the library, and that we were 'done'. And believe me: I felt awful. I sent him a florid apology a couple of days later stuffed in a half full pack of Camels, but nothing came of it. No reply. Which is just as well, because two weeks later I shanked him.
I shanked Rick Monroe-Peterson, who I have always liked, because I caught him touching my foot locker. He was actually just sitting on it, not looking in it or anything, waiting for me to get back from the mess, because he wanted me to get my opinion on who should be the starting front court in our A-yard basketball team. But you can't exactly have guys touching your locker without asking, unless you want every punk in the block stealing your Pruno, which I definately don't want, and so I shanked him. But I didn't kill him, I just gave him a 'smiley'. But it clearly effected our relationship adversely and definately hurt team morale. Honestly, now I feel like a jerk. I'm a hothead! What can I say?
I've always respected Rene 'Cochese' Olivares, and most especially following his legendary ninety day stint in the Hole following the Mardi Gras 2004 lockdown in Block D. He's a nice man with a pleasent, affable way in the company of children and a wife he speaks of often and longingly. All and all a considerate, decent man. Anyway I certainly never expected to shank him. But shank him I did, on a chilly November day last year, after one of his buddies commented on my unkempt beard and tattered jumpsuit. I was naturally going to shank the bastard ruthlessly for this slight, when Rene jumped between us.
"Back away Cochese!" I shouted, "This ain't about us."
But Rene did not back away. In fact he tried to take my shank. I can't really recall what happened after that, but anyone that touches my shank- friend or not- is going to wind up fishing at the wrong end of the barrel. Time just kind of stopped. I could see the sun parting briefly through the clouds over the main wall, and there was a sort of high pitched sound running through my head like a train whistle. The next thing I knew I woke up in the infirmary. I had shanked nineteen guys and a telephone pole before they tazed me down. I felt terrible. I'm not really a violent person. Especially when it come to friends.
posted by Timothy Bracy at 9:35 PM
8 Comments:
I was diffident about meeting you before I read this but now I’m just downright terrified.
Well, this was not a personal account, but merely relayed to me, third hand, from someone who knows about this kind of stuff. But still, I understand. Pretty chilling.
i figured you more of a petty thief relegated to county jails. i know that whenever i commit a crime, i reassure myself by saying it was a third person account.
there is milk coming out of my nose. very unbecoming for a salaried employee. tonight at the bunker i am going to shank you for this.
This is my favorite thing you've ever written.
I'm thinking of typing in the URL at that blog across the universe site so that it can be sent out into space. Because it definitely deserves a larger audience.
Lindsay is right. I came from across the galaxy - this post was well worth the journey.
I'm composing the shank-worthy list now...
yes this is very funny. all you had to do was use the word taze and i would've been laughing.
i like to watch those alcatraz specials where somebody almost escaped via a shank in their shoe. or a shank somewhere. i know someone named shanka, really i do, and i never made the application before. shankya. honestly, it wasn't till i watched the alcatraz specials that i knew what a shank was. or what it looked like. anybody that got to the shore of alcatraz has my respect.
better put:you had me at "tazed".
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